41 Things 2020 Has Taught Me
41 Things 2020 Has Taught Me
This shit year is coming to an end. But not without giving us some important life-lessons. Here’s my personal list of epiphanies, essential learnings and invaluable insights, some inspired by this year’s favorite Internet memes.
1. Taking selfies and facing my problems are basically the same thing.
2. Attempts to “live in the moment” are constantly disrupted by the arrival of other moments.
2. I am always ready to take a nap.
4. Exhaustion and anxiety co-exist. But they are a horrible match.
5. On the other hand: I actually can multi-task now! I can lose my mind and chill at the same time.
6. I need to choose what I want to watch next before dinner. (Otherwise the food is cold by the time I have picked a video/show/movie to watch while eating.)
7. You can officially call me anti-social now. But please don’t call me.
8. My hobbies actually aren’t as creative as I always thought: eating, sleeping and loathing myself for eating and sleeping too much.
9. I love books, but I don’t like reading.
10. Also: Why read, when Nintendo Switch’s “quit screen” knows the answer: “Everything not saved will be lost.”
11. I miss getting junk food at 3am after coming home from the club, thinking it’s the most delicious meal I have ever had.
12. It’s Vodka ‘o clock whenever I am reminded that time is passing and I need to make choices or else they will be made for me.
13. Astral projection during Zoom meetings works.
14. Sending my man memes from across the room and waiting for his reaction is proper communication. And communication keeps a relationship healthy.
15. “What is the meaning of life?” and “What am I going to eat?” are equally important questions.
16. Comfort zones all over the world are shrinking. Brains, too.
17. It is possible to avoid everything.
18. Tetris is life. And life is Tetris. Especially when it comes to toilet paper.
19. When I am giving advice nowadays, I eventually feel advised by my own advice.
20. When I ask “How are you?”, I am having an emotional crisis but still trying not to be a burden.
21. The reason why I have lost interest in online classes: I expect to be good at what they are trying to teach me immediately.
22. I set morning alarms every 5 minutes for no reason.
23. I am amazing.
24. I hate myself.
25. I am not real.
26. “Stressy, depressy, lemon zesty” is the new “easy peasy lemon squeezy”.
27. I know too many people whose messages I read via notification bar and pretend to not be online.
28. I only know a few “Schrödinger’s Douchebags”. (People who say offensive things and decide whether they were joking based on the reaction of people around them.)
29. Vases are the new shoes.
30. Staying hydrated is impossible. The kitchen is just too far away.
31. I need glasses now. But I can take them off and be enchanted by the sudden blurriness of this world.
32. I occasionally wake up at 4am, realizing I should have said something else in an argument I had in 2002.
33. I spend a lot of time trying to remember what I just remembered four seconds ago.
34. I’ve got many problems that are completely made up scenarios in my head that I am stressing out about for absolutely no reason.
35. Pinot Grigio pairs best with a dystopian pandemic nightmare.
36. I am totally different from all my friends. But they still vibe with me.
37. I will continue wearing masks for the rest of my life. Not only do they provide a first-rate level of anonymity (mask + sunglasses + hoodie), they also enable me to identify people (nose-breathers) I want to avoid at all cost within split-seconds.
38. The end of this year feels like an awakening. I remember I had dreams, but I don’t remember what they were.
39. I won’t need to celebrate New Year’s Eve. I said good-bye to 2020 in March already.
40. Yet, there is hope. As long as you have onions, olive oil, garlic and salt in the house.
41. My new year’s resolution for 2021: experience something. Anything.